Long Day

Things have been going okay. I am just lonely today. I worked and I took a nap with John and I had dinner with my family. I dont know why I feel so lonely. I hate when John works because that is when I feel the most lonely. I cant even talk to him. Well, I can, but I feel like I am bothering him. I wish that we lived together because I would get to see him every day. I dont need to be married. I dont need that, but I want to feel like I am not alone so much. I wish I could get used to being alone. John would be happier if I didnt have to be over there all the time. I loved today when I could just lay with him and run my hands across his face or against his chest and feel him under my touch. I love being close to him, even if it just sleeping. I love to hear him breathe and that I am close enough to hear him breathe.  I guess saying I love you is a bad thing. I need to stop saying that because it scares him. So I have stopped, but it breaks my heart because of the feelings I have, its like my feelings are bad. Why should my feelings be bad. If feelings are bad, why do we have them? If I could make these feelings go away, I would because I know John doesnt want me to have these feelings. I'm sorry that this happened. If things could go back the way they were, I guess they should, but I wouldnt be as happy as I am today. He does make me happy, but maybe I am being selfish and think more about what makes John happy. Maybe me not being around so much would make him happier. He says that I am fine, but what does that mean? Is he saying that so I dont get upset and he feels bad for making me cry or does he really mean that it is okay for me to be around so much. He talks to me about us being together next year. And says that to be patient. What does that mean to be patient? what I am being patient with. I dont wanna get married. It scares me. If we were to get married, would it ruin everything? Would he get bored of me? that is what my biggest worries would be. He says that I want those things and I dont, I just want to be with him without any stress like we have been for the past year. I dont want things to change. 

And the true countdown has begun

Daniel is now in Pensacola Florida at school for Recruiter Training. So far he's only on day 2 but he seems really excited about it. I don't really know what I think about him and selling, but I love that it's for a challenge for him so it will keep him interested and out of trouble ;-) He's already found some people in a class that is a week ahead of him to help him study and keep ahead so I'm glad he's taking the initiative to get done what he needs to and to do his best. I have a countdown clock on my desktop that is counting until 5pm on his last day of school. Right now it says 30days 18hours 58minutes. After that Daniel will have to drive back to Jacksonville to meet the movers so they can get our stuff out here then he'll be driving back here. It's just so exciting that it's FINALLY getting close until we get to see him again!!! Okay... it's late and I need to try to relax so I can go to bed. It's been a long day because Bethany decided that today everything had to be HER way or the highway but I wouldn't give in so it was temper tantrum center and I'm teaching her that I will not give in! BOY does that make for a stressful day!!!

11 days and counting!

I'm looking up at that little countdown clock I have on my computer and it says 11 days until Daniel will be stateside again!! Of course he has a month and a half of school to do.. but it's not too much long and he'll finally be out here in Arizona with us!! In the mean while, here are some pictures from Easter yesterday. We went to the zoo which was a lot of fun, and then we did our easter egg hunt later in the evening after Grandma got off of work so she could watch also :-)

Bethany petting the easter bunny!




















Bethany Riding the Lion on their Conservation Carousel.















Look at all my Eggs!!!!















It's my Princess Ball!!



And the hunt is ON!